I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you had me at cake vodka
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
