Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just tell him i said nine months
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
