Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
