had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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