brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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