I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
