My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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