How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
