Plan B is the new Plan A
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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