My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
