Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
