for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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