Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
