do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
