You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
