Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
