I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
