I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I smell stomach acid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
