i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
