maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
