guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
