i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
