I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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