I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Panties = found
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
