Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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