just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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