Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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