she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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