Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
