when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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