haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
