I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
