just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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