The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
