Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
