I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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