Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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