Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
