I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize