I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
