god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
