Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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