drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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