i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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