If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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