I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
