I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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