this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
