Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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