I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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