If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
