Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
