I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
