I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
