But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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