I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
