I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
