My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
