gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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