I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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