I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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