Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
