mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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