Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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