After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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