Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
