I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
